Today I woke up feeling fresh and new and more like myself than I have in quite some time. Part of it was that Vivienne slept 7 1/2 hours last night (can I get a hallelujah?), another part was that poor Anna who has had the flu slept through the night as well (double hallelujah!) but another factor was that I have been steadily feeling my hormones go back to normal levels.
If you follow me on instagram, you may have seen a little insta-story I did a while back about postpartum depression. I had some baby blues after Ruby was born over four years ago, but when I had Anna, depression hit me like a pile of bricks, hard and painful and something I wasn’t sure I could be free of. I was eventually, but it took around 6 months. There were some really painful, very dark days. It felt as though I was in the middle of a black sea of tar that was pulling me down. I tried to swim but felt helpless… and hopeless.
I was terrified of feeling that way again after Vivie was born. I’ve heard it can get progressively worse after each pregnancy.
We had a really stressful, busy year with so many wonderful things happening, but I tried my very best to wrap up projects before the baby was born to give myself a break and time to take things easy. I would say for the most part that happened and Jon was a great support. Lack of sleep has been my biggest challenge lately, as we’ve brought home just about every illness imaginable and the girls have taken turns being sick, which turns into all night marathons of miserable. Even with the exhaustion, I’ve noticed a difference in my ability to balance stress– which feels much more like my old self. We are two months out and I think the PPD is lifting.
I wouldn’t say I’m out of the woods just yet, but I feel like the sun is shining down, warming my soul and giving me a fresh boost of energy to tackle the new year ahead. I’ve always loved New Year’s and the chance to reevaluate goals, strive to be better, and plan out how to take on the world.
Thank you for your patience as I’ve worked through some emotional highs and lows. I’m working out how to manage life with three little people age four and under and have big plans for the year ahead, for both the blog and Stagg Design. Your support and words of encouragement have meant so much.
So 2017, get ready. I’m gearing up to make you a great one!